SHOULD WE LAUGH, CRY OR WHAT?

I’m always morbidly fascinated by the strangeness of human behavior. Today’s example is the observation that lawyers will never cease to engage in their predatory, symbiotic relationship with those people who have no common sense. Thanks to Joan Elaine, I just read about an alleged incident in which Josh Lobb of Slumberhouse Perfumes received a letter from a lawyer representing Strange Invisible Perfumes ordering him to desist from the use of the word “strange” in his description of his fragrances or be faced with a lawsuit. For anyone who shares my morbid curiosity, here’s the document that was posted.

Of course, my first reaction to any incident like this is that it must be a practical joke. Maybe the joke is in poor taste and potentially damaging to all concerned if taken seriously, but a joke just the same, perpetrated by some unnamed party. If it’s not, it is indeed a strange reaction to the use of a common, perfectly innocent English word, and a sad commentary on the strange lengths to which lawyers will go to make a buck.

Somewhere on his website, Josh uses the phrase “strange and unique perfumes” to describe his products. According to the letter that he posted on Twitter, Ms. B of SIP took offense at his use of the word “strange”, which allegedly is protected as part of the “Strange Invisible Perfumes” trademark, and hired a strange, invisible lawyer to put a stop to his use of the word “strange”. By the same reasoning, the words “invisible” and “perfumes” would presumably be individually trademarked as well. Uh-oh. We have probably all used the word “perfumes” in our company names or product descriptions, little knowing that the word was the exclusive property of SIP. What about the “Invisible Fence” company, whose name for their dog containment system is trademarked? Can they sue SIP (or vice versa) for the use of the word “invisible”?

I looked up the Twitter thread, read the letter that was posted, and did a little bit of Google research on the lawyer in question, only to find that she seems to have no official business listing, and the address on the letter appears to be a drab suburban residence. There’s nothing wrong with working out of one’s home – many of us do it - but that’s not the typical pretentious behavior of lawyers, most of whom have slick websites and posh offices. In fact, it supports the practical joke hypothesis. An alternative hypothesis is that maybe it’s all just a pathetic publicity stunt on the part of one or more of the parties in question. After all, it’s a well-known fact that bad publicity is better than no publicity at all.

So given the fact that it’s not really clear what’s going on, why am I writing about this topic at all? Because the third, albeit most improbable-seeming, hypothesis is that it’s really true and not just an urban legend in the making. I hope that with time, more shall be revealed so that whatever nasty worms have been released from the proverbial can will come back to settle on the deserving party or parties.  In the meantime, maybe we should laugh because the situation is so outlandishly funny, cry at people’s general stupidity, and fantasize about Dick the Butcher’s famous suggestion about what to do with lawyers in Shakespeare’s Henry VI. 

[Thanks to Wikimedia for the can of worms image and for all three "strange" graphics used here, including Liquid Stranger's cover art for The Invisible Conquest (wow - strange, invisible and liquid, all in one spot!)]

TO HTML OR NOT TO HTML?

As my business develops, I’ve found it useful to send out newsletters from time to time announcing new products, sales, special events and other things likely to be of interest to at least some customers. So far, they’ve always been in the form of a basic text message with no images, fancy graphics, or other enhancements. That’s simple to do, and everyone can read them quickly and easily, if they care to.

I know most businesses now use HTML newsletters, because they regularly arrive in my inbox as colorful spreads designed to stimulate the visual system and get people to click on the relevant links. On one of my e-mail programs they show up right away, as intended, but on the other one they show up as text, sometimes jumbled, with little boxes containing question marks unless I “allow” display of images. That’s kind of annoying.

I must be some kind of alien creature out of step with the rest of society because I really don’t care whether messages are decorated or not. What’s important is whether the content interests me. After a while all of those HTML messages start looking as conceptually similar as the old black and white text did. That’s just me. I have to think that other people are different given the ubiquity of fancy graphics, so want to ask you, dear readers, what you think about HTML newsletters. I'm sitting on the fence trying to decide whether it’s worth it to take on the tedious and soul-sucking task of coding in HTML or pay one of those geekly services a monthly fee to do it for me. Your input will help guide my decision. 

Here are my questions: Do you enjoy reading HTML newsletters more than plain text ones? Would you be more likely to go to a website from a button in an HTML newsletter than from a highlighted link in a plain text one? Does the fancy presentation do more to enhance your image of the company that sent it than a simple text message would? Would there be enough of a change in your perception of the company to make you think that their products are superior to those of the company that sends a bare-bones text message?

If you answer these questions you will be entered into a drawing to win a goodie bag containing carded samples of The Vagabond Prince Enchanted Forest, PK Perfumes Gold Leather, and some other assorted surprises including an old-style Olympic Orchids 5 ml perfume travel spray in one of the remaining fragrances still in this packaging. The drawing will be held on Sunday, June 23. 

[Woman reading indoors by J. Raoux (1734); woman reading outdoors by N. Bogdanov-Belsky (1892); HTML newsletter template from one of the many newsletter services that pop up in a Google search]  

BLACKBIRD FOR JULY

The Northwest Indie Perfumers Circuit will continue after a hiatus of two months with a big bash at the Blackbird Apothecary in Seattle to launch my Blackbird fragrance, made especially for them. It’s going to be a celebration of summer in the Pacific Northwest, the dry season when days last almost until midnight and a walk along the country paths and roadsides brings a flood of tangy, sun-warmed evergreen leaves and cedar wood, sun-dried fields, and the unmistakable smell of ripe blackberries.

I envision a sleek blackbird, feathers iridescent in the sun, white eyes popping out greedily as he gorges himself on the big, juicy, sweet fruit, singing his heart out between messy bites. It’s not going to be a sweet gourmand, but rather a fruit-tinged woody scent.The materials that I’m using start with a suite of woody base notes along with a little compatible musk. The dominant material is fir balsam absolute, which is a real pain to work with but worth every curse bestowed on it as I try to weigh it, get it solubilized to the point where I can actually use it, and then clean up its sticky residue. It’s one of the warmest and most delicious of the natural wood materials, giving exactly the sunny atmosphere I’m looking for in Blackbird. Dry, sun-warmed soil and baked grass will be added on top of the woods, and then come the blackberries, created through a tincture of freeze-dried fruit, fruit extract, and some other fruity notes to enhance the whole thing and make it pop.

The Blackbird fragrance will launch the new look of my bottles, too, with sleek printed-on labels and a new bottle cap design. I’m really excited to finish this fragrance, work on packaging, and plan the event itself. Stay tuned for more information about the July event if you’re in the Seattle area, and special Blackbird-related promotions if you’re elsewhere in the universe.

The actual event will take place on Saturday, July 13, from 6:00-9:00 (or whenever they decide to kick us out!) at Blackbird in Ballard, 5410 22^nd Avenue NW, Seattle, WA, 98107. It’s free, there will be good things to eat and drink, and a chance to check out this hip shop. 

THE EMANCIPATION OF JASPER AND THE MAKING OF A FELINE PERFUMISTA

Just when we had made up our minds not to have another cat, Jasper appeared on our doorstep and in our lives. It wasn’t as if he just showed up out of the blue, as his predecessor had done, walking calmly out of the woods one day after living on his own for an indefinite period of time. Michael actually found him intentionally. After Rosy died, we started seeing critters in our yard. Most bothersome were the opossums and rabbits that came at night to eat the veggies from our garden. Michael found out about a cat whose owner was moving to California, and couldn’t take him with her. We discussed the need for a “guard cat” to keep the wild animals at a distance, and agreed that it would probably be a good idea. He went to interview Jasper, and they hit it off.

Jasper Rasputin Kathan arrived at our house in December in one of those plastic pet carriers. The first thing to come out was his huge head, followed by an equally huge body. I have no idea how he ever managed to squeeze into the carrier. He proceeded to frantically rub against every object in the room as if he needed to take charge and immediately wipe out all olfactory traces of his predecessor. He never seemed to question the fact that he was coming to live with us. He said goodbye to his previous owner, and that was it. After the marking frenzy, his next order of business was to eat a huge quantity of food.

Up until the time Jasper came to our wilderness-farm, he apparently had led a sheltered life, mostly in the house with short excursions into a city back yard. I think he was intimidated by the vastness of his new kingdom. It was two weeks before he would venture upstairs, and only now, after nearly 6 months has he started venturing into the woods unaccompanied.

Jasper has long, dense fur, with an impressive mane. The collar he wore when he arrived obviously bothered him, because he kept scratching at it, trying to remove it. After a week he was comfortable enough with me to let me take it off. This was the ritual of the emancipation of Jasper. At that point he became a free farm cat. Within that first week he also learned to use the cat door so that he could come and go as he pleased. At first he spent most of his outdoor time on the back deck, but has gradually expanded his horizons to encompass at least half of the property, maybe more. One of his favorite activities is running full tilt and jumping out of the woods at us when we’re outside. We haven’t seen a critter in the yard since he’s been here. He may have no hunting skills, and a “mew” that sounds like a newborn kitten, but a 20-pound Maine Coon cat looks scary enough to make anything from a shrew to a raccoon run the opposite direction.

What has surprised me most about Jasper is his apparent love of perfume. Whenever I’m working in my studio he comes and hangs out, as if he wants to help me. When I’m testing materials, he comes and sniffs them, his nose quivering at a million miles a minute. When I’ve filled my big black transport bag with fragrant packages to mail, he comes and lies down on the bag, or next to the bag. If I put perfume on my wrist, he always checks it out. He shows an inordinate, obsessive amount of interest in materials that I’m tincturing, and I’ve had to double-bag and hide some tinctures to keep him away from them.

The most surprising evidence that Jasper has become a hard-core perfumista happened last night. I put a tiny dab of pure, high-quality oud on my wrist as a special treat after a long, hard day. Within less than a minute Jasper came running as fast as he could. He sniffed and sniffed at my wrist, obviously in olfactory heaven, and then started licking the oud oil off! I had no idea that oud would appeal to a cat. I think I should appoint Jasper as my official oud tester!

If you have a cat, does it pay any attention to perfume? If so what is its reaction? 

WELCOME SUMMER!

The ebb and flow of academic life creates its own seasonal pattern, much like the seasonal patterns in nature, primitive cultures, and farming communities. Last week was the final week of classes and the official beginning of professors’ three months of summer unemployment. The financially lucky ones take on a temporary job funded by a federal agency through their grant(s) and spend a luxurious three months concentrating on their research. Others dig into their meager savings account to pay the mortgage and buy groceries, hoping that the summer doesn’t bring any major house or car repairs or other expensive disasters. The pre-tenure people and the post-tenure masochists continue working their butts off as usual, without pay, while the hedonists take the summer “off” to regroup and write.

In any case, having a 9-month salary and benefits is infinitely preferable to being one of the increasing crowd of poorly paid and horribly exploited part-time faculty who are in the precarious position of being hired by the semester or quarter to teach undergraduates, often at multiple institutions.

When I started writing this post, I intended it to be a joyous ode to the beginning of summer, but maybe I was influenced by the fact that the weather today is cold and cloudy rather then the beautiful warm sunshine we’ve had for the past week or so. In any case, Thursday evening after teaching my last class of the year and attending the last faculty meeting, I collapsed and slept for a full 12 hours. When I woke up, I suddenly felt restored to a near-normal state, and ready to launch into my summer activities, sort of a mini death-and-rebirth experience.

The onset of summer has brought all kinds of little gardening treats. The tuberoses that I planted last year have come up again, stronger than before, so there’s hope for them. We ate the first artichokes from the garden yesterday. They were tender and delicious, better than anything I’ve had from the store.  Cherries and strawberries are getting ripe. The outdoor garden orchids are all in full bloom, as are the peonies and roses. Yesterday I bought a star jasmine plant in full bloom, and will be adding it to the garden as soon as I decide where to put it.

In the greenhouse, there are distinct olfactory contrasts. Angraecum didieri is blooming with its powerful, gorgeous, tropical white flower nocturnal fragrance, and Rhynchostylis coelestis is emitting its lilac-like daytime fragrance for a 24-hour perfume fest. The Rhynchostylis is one of those orchids that has bluish-colored flowers, something fairly unusual among orchids.

As a counterpoint to the lovely floral perfumes from the orchids, I’ve had a Stapelia hirsuta blooming for the past week or so. A Stapelia is a type of South African succulent plant that looks vaguely like a spineless cactus. When the bud first appeared, I was amazed at its size, and was even more amazed when it started to open, revealing a zebra-striped flower covered with long, maroon-colored hairs. Then the flower started to emit its fragrance. It smells exactly like rotten meat, obviously to attract flies to pollinate it. I think the scent lure was effective because there were some big flies expressing an interest in it. Who knows – maybe it will produce a fruit and seeds to go into my collection of other seed-grown baby cacti and other succulents.

WINNER OF THE THIRD ANNIVERSARY DRAWING

The random drawing for the Perfumer's Perfumes Discovery Set

took place this morning, as usual, with little wads of paper well-shaken and drawn blindly. The winner is: MARLA.

Congratulations!